My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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