Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
