There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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