At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy