i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
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I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
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our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.