The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home