Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.