I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
