I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
