12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
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