I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Randomize