I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
