Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
