just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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