SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
