actually, I'm a sock model
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
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