I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Randomize
