I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
