I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
