I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
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