Dude my mom stole all your condoms
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
