what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
