I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
