Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
