I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
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