fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
