it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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