? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
