i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
