Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
no, he came in my armpit
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
