Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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