At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
