My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Randomize
