Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
