i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
