You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
