so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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