her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
