im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
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