i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Randomize