I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
