Yo dont text me then not text me
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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