I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I intend to get homeless drunk
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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