you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize