My friends, they love my intelligence
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
