Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
