i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
