if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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