Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
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