i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Randomize
