You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
