North Korea, Best Korea!
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Is her dick bigger than yours?
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
