My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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