i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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