3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Randomize
