My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
