I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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