Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
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