If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
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