if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
It's rum buckets o'clock
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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