dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
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