Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
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on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
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Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
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