i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
