3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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