wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
