Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Randomize
