ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze