The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
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Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
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It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home