I am spending my child support on dildos
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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