why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Too much gin, very little bucket
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
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