I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
im about as happy as oj after his trial
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice