Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
It’s A Miracle These 21 Promiscuous People Don’t Have STDs
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.