Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Is Oprah even human
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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