How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
