I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Randomize
