We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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