Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
