The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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