I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
