You really coming over, don't trick.
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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