Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
