that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
we're making bets on your personal life
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
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