You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
