Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
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She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
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But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Never underestimate the power of titties
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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