3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
try to milk me bitch
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
