In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
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