just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
i drank out of a bidet.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
