Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize