When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
