Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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