I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
