so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Just fell off a train. Bad.
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
i think my mom watched the whole time
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
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