The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
