id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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