I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
