Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
